Staring Up at a Leaky Dam

I’ve been a late bloomer since birth.  Maybe I was even born late…don’t recall Mom’s recollections.  My ability to ride a bike bloomed late.  Swimming skills bloomed late.  My girl parts bloomed late.  Dating, the discovery of alcoholic wonderment, paying all my own bills, and all other manner of rite-passing occurred later than it did for the entire sum of my peerage.  Now, upon reaching adulthood, I’ve come to discover that all that late blooming made allowances for what I now consider to be a relatively easy life thus far…which is why I—in all my late-blooming glory—am just now discovering the joys of coping with life’s manifold badnesses.

Don’t get me wrong.  There are lots of good things happening right now, a new job and move to Austin in particular.  But some of the aforementioned badness has been happening right along with it which smashes new chinks into my own personally-maintained Dam Against Negativity.  Each new chink and resulting stream of escaping, potentially-life-endangering water indicates another victory for the Army of Badness seemingly intent upon destabilizing my now-stabilizing existence.  What if more chinks happen?  What if my late-blooming coping skills aren’t strong enough to fill in the badness chinks by focusing/building upon the re-buttressing goodness?  I don’t have enough experience with this and am feeling kind of crumbly right now (darn happy childhood and teen years!) 

At present, almost all of my energies are focused upon dam maintenance.  And since I’m the only maintenance engineer on the April’s Life payroll, staring up at the existing leaks is draining me still further. 

Maybe there are some late-blooming superhuman characteristics about to burst forth!

Viral Discontent

A lip-infesting fever blister/cold sore sprang up over the weekend.  I realize that this isn't necessarily a topic to spark interest, commentation, or poignant verbal interaction, but this blog is a random blog.  To combat my dreaded lip eruption (gross!), I've been inundating it with an alternating combination of hydrocortisone, anti-bacterial cream (yes, I realize this particular ailment is caused by a virus...not the point...it's a drug, so I'm gonna apply it!), and anti-acne gel. 

Am kind of hoping to confuse it into submission.

Stay tuned...

...or not.

Was that abbreviated enough?  Would that succinct writer dude who liked to use big words be proud?

Inside joke ;-)

UPDATE: CONFUSION WORKS!!

"We Shall Never Pass This Way Again"...yeah, whatever!

When I was a little, little kid all the way back in 1983, I loved looking at the pictures of the “big kids” in our school annuals.  That year one of my uncles was a senior which meant an even bigger pictorial “spread” than was typical would be presented for this stand-out person in my life.  One thing I specifically recall from that spread—besides the overabundance of ruffled tuxedo shirts worn by the senior guys—was their class/prom motto: “We will not pass this way again.”  To my 8-year-old mind, this was an intriguingly introspective concept. 

To my 36-year-old mind, I find it to be an illogical pile of crap.  Please allow me expound: the human race has proven time after time, century after century that all it is EVER capable of doing is passing down that same old way again and again.  We seemingly refuse to apply historical lessons learned to our present dilemmas and decisions thereby repeating a sordid past that could so easily—thanks to recorded historical records—be avoided if we’d only take the time to remember and avoid repeating mistakes of previous generations. 

A few examples of how we continually proceed to tie up then stumble over our own feet:

1)      War is bad.  It kills lots of people and eradicates a large chunk of the financial, psychological, and emotional means of survival for those left alive.  Peacemakers really are the blessed ones, so avoid friggin’ war at all costs.  NOT avoiding it costs far more.  Just take a look at one of the (if NOT “the”) most solid form of currency in the world right now: the Swiss franc.  Morally/ethically-motivated or not, their stance of maintained peaceful relations works.

2)      No form of government is THE form of government.  Growing up in the U.S., I was taught that our democratic republic and its glorious capitalistic economic system was the ultimate in human governmental achievement.  Socialism was evil, and communism was Satan’s chosen tool for eradicating freedom in the universe.  Definitionally speaking, all of these systems would work just fine IF there was no such thing as human nature.  As we’re seeing right now in multiple countries around the globe, any government and/or economic system can be corrupted and turned into an oligarchy ruled by the few with power and the money to continue buying said power.  Pay off enough legislators in ANY system, and you see the few ultimately controlling the masses. If those “few” truly had the well-being of the masses in mind, things would work terrifically.  But how often does that happen?

3)      No one person or country can successfully take over the world.  This one seems so obvious that it doesn’t even deserve mentioning, yet even today we continue seeing governments attempt to do just that.  For the inevitable outcome of such attempts, see example #1 then take a look at the histories of the Egyptian, Persian, and Roman Empires. 

4)      No government can successfully legislate morality or religion.  This is another seeming no-brainer, but persecution of  moral and religious “others” within modern societies continues just as it has since such concepts were first established.  Roman persecution of Jews and Christians, the Christian attacks against Muslims during the Crusades, the Protestants and Catholics at deadly odds with each other in Tudor England, the Nazi extermination of Jews during WWII, and today’s terrorist attacks in the name of jihad are only a handful of examples that indicate the vanity and futility of forcing one group’s set of beliefs onto another group.  As a Christian, I believe that God gave everyone the individual choice to decide what they believe and how they practice those beliefs (I do reserve the right to condemn sacrifice of human life in ANY religion, however).  Who are any of us to governmentally sanction one religion or faith over another?  “We are not under the law but under grace.”

We keep hearing about how humanity is slowly evolving into a higher form of being and existence, but you certainly wouldn’t know it by the way we treat each other.  Theorists have proposed that supposed alien visitors are much more highly evolved than we are in that they can communicate telepathically.  For humanity, mass telepathic communication would only mean we could kill each other more efficiently.  No, until we truly do decide to learn from history’s mistakes and utilize those lessons on a practical daily basis, we will continue to pass this way again…and again…and again…and again ad nauseum.

Don't Let This Happen to You

I have a particular penchant for cliché, stereotypical, feel-good, follow-you-dreams movies.  Part of me thinks this is the case because I want to believe that a better life and subsequent better world is possible.  The rest of me thinks it’s because I enjoy self-inflicting sadistic torture upon my emotions and psyche. 

So just why should the aforementioned follow-your-dreams-to-a-happy-ending-of-joy-and-fulfillment movies send my mind and emotions into an uncorrectable tailspin?  It’s because they remind me of just how many terrific opportunities in my God-given life have been willingly and vigorously rejected…by me.  Sure, I grew up in a town with very limited opportunities for a girl of my natural talents ‘n skills (singing and writing, specifically).  There aren’t exactly vocal coaches on every corner down Buckholts-way.  And forget about accelerated English and/or writing courses that might pave the way to additional learning and scholarship possibilities.  Do you really think that Julliard or Northwestern would think twice—or even once—about entertaining the bizarre ‘n crazy notion of admitting a high school graduate from Nowheresville, USA with zero vocal training or accelerated writing projects?  Not on the likely. 

For years those were the excuses I conveniently applied to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault I hadn’t even come CLOSE to achieving my grandest dreams.  Those excuses are, in fact, applicable…but only to a certain extent.  Once I graduated high school and hit junior college, I had the amazing opportunity to expand my vocal talents and range via weekly voice lessons and choir participation.  I consider these to be some of the most valuable hours of my life.  After completing two years and pondering where my college career would go next, I was given the chance to audition for a darn good music department in Georgetown, TX.  They loved me.  They wanted me.  They gave me scholarship money.

I chickened out.  I was too friggin’ afraid to leave safe, comfortable home and pursue what could’ve amounted to the fulfillment of everything I’d ever wanted to be and do with my life.  I could’ve been “somebody” doing “something” by now instead of sitting chained to a secretarial job.  I could’ve been LIVING instead of just paying the bills.  It wasn’t my family’s fault, it wasn’t the public school system’s fault, it was MY fault all the way.  Fear is an unforgiving, uncooperative bitch, and I’m ashamed to admit that I succumbed completely to it.

Since that time so frighteningly many years ago, I’ve grown up and ditched the fear that I allowed to hold me back.  But now?  Now it’s too late for me to pursue any sort of professional vocal career.  At 36, I’m an old woman in the eyes of a performance industry seeking ever younger talent to grace their varied stages.  I’m almost finished with a Bachelor of English degree which should hopefully allow me to explore my other favoritest of things: writing (and correcting everybody’s grammar LOL).  Writing and editing are achievable dreams at any age, so these I will wholeheartedly pursue.  This path is an acceptable substitute.

But I’ll forever regret the dreams I irrevocably lost due to my casual, comfortable embracing of a debilitating cowardice.  Following your dreams only makes a difference if you tenaciously follow them through to completion. 

Dream-following is not a spectator sport :-)

A Brief History of the Devil Gnomes

Once upon a time, devil gnomes were actually angel fairies that lived happily and full of bubbly life beneath the cool, misty shadows of a Middle Earth variety of banyan tree.  Had you been lucky enough to venture upon their carefree banyan tree forest, you would encounter the most charming of miniature cultures resplendent in their copious applications of chocolate and sparkling cider to everyday life (for whatever reason, the angel fairies were abstinent…from alcohol, not the other thing ;-).  They spent their days making fluffy chocolate mousse and aging apple juice into tasty, alcohol-free libations liberally sprinkled with fairy dust to make it sparkly/fizzy.  Angel fairy dust has the same effect as carbonation without all the chemical badness.  Angel fairies were a completely “green” society. 

Anyway, one morning when Sauron was feeling evil—as was his typical wont on any average morning—he decided to invade the angel fairy banyan land and swipe their trees for use in fueling his One Ring-manufacturing lava pit.  At this point, he hadn’t quite processed the whole “one ring” concept in that “one ring” is supposed to mean there’s only “one” ring.  This logic-less fact in play, Sauron mounted an orc attack for the following day, reveling in his intelligent application of deviousness for the furtherance of his empire. 

SAURON THE EVIL (AND NOT TOO BRIGHT)

The next morning dawned light-speckled for the angel fairies as sunshine punctured the thick banyan tree land of the free-for-the-moment.  Young angel fairies practiced their wand-induced fizzing of that day’s batch of sparkling cider.  One wayward apprentice fizzer accidentally over-wanded her glass of cider causing it to evaporate entirely.  It was in this unfortunate moment that orcs invaded and started hacking away at the banyan haven causing angel fairies to scatter ‘midst the downtrodden leaves.  To add insult to massive injury, once he had nabbed all the wood his orc fiends could possibly carry, Sauron aimed his One-for-the-moment Ring at the angel fairy population and turned them all into devil gnomes.  Their homes and countenances destroyed, they fled their homeland in shame and, after days of hiking, located a ficus tree forest where they decided to settle.  Unbeknownst to the devil gnome immigrants, the evil ficus dwellers already occupied this particular forest.  The rest is miniature-culture military history.

ANGEL FAIRY IN THEIR ORIGINAL FORM
Due to the extreme pain endured from looking at
their once-beauteous countenance, these poor
creatures have requested to be represented as
stick figures

And naturally they have requested that their
now-hideous visage be withheld from
public view

P.S. After this, devil gnomes no longer made sparkling cider.  Despondent at the memory of their magical defeat and banishment, they switched to manufacturing the hard stuff.  This has led to an all-out, gnomely infatuation with invading Mordor and shutting down Sauron’s One Ring-manufacturing smelter.  Ensign Wesley Crusher eventually talked them out of it.

P.P.S./P.S.S. Did you notice that Sauron's pointing hand should actually be on the other wrist?  Yep.  It's a left hand on a right wrist.  I sketched it with my right hand while looking at my left hand...sometimes both sides of my brain don't connect :-)

It's Hot!

I apologize.  I'd type more but have suddenly and painfully realized that my fingertip skin has melted onto the keyboard...I wonder if they've invented a nanite for that?


Texas has officially become Satan's country!