...but I don't know where home is. The area in which I'm living right now is technically "home" in that it's the place I was born and raised. But the things that made it home are no more. The house we lived in still exists, and in fact, my brother lives in it with his own children. Yes, each family member still exists, and I love them all so very, very much...but we are no longer a family unit. Like countless other families split apart by countless unresolvable relationship issues, mine was severed several years ago. It sucks, but I have to keep reminding myself that the perfect bubble of a family life I grew up with simply isn't reality 95% of the time. A solid foundational past doesn't automatically mean that negativity can't and won't touch me. It can, it will, and it WILL continue to do so as long as I'm breathing.
So now I'm homeless. Living in Nashville for 8 years provided me the closest thing to home that I've had in so long, and even now when I visit Tennessee, it's still closer to my heart than where I am now. Of that much I can be absolutely certain: I do NOT belong where I'm living right now. Still, deep down I simply don't feel or believe that Nashville is where I need to be either. It hurts like hell each time I leave my friends and all the awesome places I love so much, but despite that, I don't feel like it's where I belong at this new stage of life. My time there accomplished what it was meant to accomplish, and now it's time for something else. But what? Where? Austin is my first and most logical choice. It's still close enough to family that I can see them often, but it's also big enough to be blessed with a wacky and unique civilization that methinks I'll latch onto immediately. Harmless nutcases like me live there which could potentially provide much bonding and happy fun time thereby solidifying a feeling of homeness. Therefore, the present goal is to find a job (ha!) in the Austin area. I THINK it could be home, but of course I'm not sure...how can I be unless I live and experience it on a daily basis?
All of that being said, the entire world is ultimately up for April-grabs. Once I graduate with my beloved English degree in the spring, I'll be open to any and all global job possibilities. And who knows? Maybe I'll discover that home is tucked away in an ancient, really cold-in-the-winter Scottish castle or a sunny Italian vineyard or the very first Texas barbecue and fajita pub in Dublin, Ireland :-). I simply NEED to find that place, that space. I need to go home.
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